Christian Molotov cocktail from Lucy and Ricky

[big brother watch posted this with editorial comments in brackets.  Some of you
may only want to read the bracketed portions if you're only looking for bitter
vitriol masked as wit and sarcasm, as Brother Reverend Doctor Johnny F. M. C. (which
stands for Fundamentally Mental Christian) is too fucking logical at times and, as
he can't spew in mere soundbites, he really serves as no foil for his intended
neo-fascio-Christian audience.  But to those who can read, it's a damned good case.]

To my dear right-wing brothers and sisters [cloaked in bullshit claiming to be]
in Christ,

It's time we had a talk, which is to say, it's time for another Christian who
vigorously disagrees with your theology and political philosophy to try to get
it through your skulls that you all are making big mistakes [take that!].  Now
I understand that "you all" [y'all] and "your leaders" [the talking-head TV
hypocrites] cannot be assumed to be the same [even though you spit the
same venom].  But you seem to go along with whatever these folks tell you to
do because of your apparent belief that the Christian life is comprised of
obedience [drinking  the Kool-Aid] instead of virtue and an independent
engagement with your religion [true, honest, devout faith].

I should say right up front that I am a Christian [as am I], and as such I have
many faults and hypocrisies of my own [I, being created in God's image, likeness,
morality and heart, do not] and I am writing sincerely.  The main topic of this little
missive is the exercise of power in a secular society by Christians; the concrete
context of such power which I will address below has to do with gays and lesbians.

The Gospel of Matthew instructs Christians to "go out and make disciples of all
nations."  Now I hope you realize that "nations" here refers to  ethnicities [or, 
in your parlance, mudhut-dwelling camel jockey tribes: see October 2002 -
March 2003 debate for going to war in Iraq.]  The Greek word in question (ethne)
is often translated "Gentiles," and this is how it should probably be translated in
Matthew 28:19 (yes, I do know what I'm talking about when it comes to translating
the New Testament) [I, on the other hand, do not].  Evangelicals call themselves
such because they take this and similar passages of scripture seriously, which is,
of course, fine.  Those who hear the message can either receive or reject it as
seems appropriate to them.  But even if one goes with "nations" as a translation
of ethne, the text cannot be referring to Rome, or Greece, or Gaul -- or, for that matter,
America or Germany or France -- because the ancient world did not have the same
concept of a nation-state that we do.  It hadn't been invented yet [essentially, their
structure was the empire, city-state, territorial or nomadic tribes, among others.]
In fact, it wouldn't be for many more centuries.  The early Christians (including Paul)
had no hope of converting all of Rome, so they worked on converting as many subjects
of the Roman empire as they could [imagine the adorably naive missionaries knocking
on your tent flap or mudhut door in their striking crisp white shirts, ties and knapsacks.
They would have been stabbed for being from a different tribe.  Now the weak and
lonely invite them in for cookies, tea and conversation about Christ.  Or they get
stabbed.].  They eventually came to understand themselves as a "third race": neither
Jews nor Gentiles but something new: Christians.

You all [y'all] might have a leg to stand on in your argument that the United States was
originally conceived as a Christian nation.  I disagree, but I can see how you
would draw this conclusion, since most Americans at the time of our nation's
foundation were in fact Christians.  But let's be clear here, America was never
"God's nation" or "the people of God" in the same way that ancient Israel and
Jews of all times and places are.  We have no contract with God, no Sinai
experience, no promises to a physical ancestor Abraham.  And our founders make
quite explicit that being an American is in no way contingent upon being a
Christian; citizenship is open to people of all religions.  But at most points in
our history, Christians were an overwhelming majority and held overwhelming power.

[I bet you totally disregarded that entire last paragraph as liberal revisionist
bullshit history.  But read it again and then reflect upon Emma Lazarus' little
ditty on the base of the statue of the big dyke in New York Harbor.  Limeys,
Micks, Polacks, Jerries and Wops (Christians) don't hold the monopoly on the
words "tired, poor, huddled masses".  At the time the statue was erected (see,
I can use that word without snickering, being struck by lightning or vaporising into
hell-bound wickedness) most of the major leaders of Europe were all inter-related,
much like the great American trailer-dwellers we look to for leadership.  This isn't
revisionist: so go to a dentist, wash your kids, and learn to read.  Your fifth-grade
teacher was, in all likelihood, a fucking retard.]

So your nostalgia for the good ole' days, back when we were a Christian nation
and everyone knew it, is really a nostalgia for the days when Christians had all
the power and could make laws that criminalize sins like adultery or other forms
of sexual misconduct -- in other words, when Christians could tell everyone else
what to do.

This brings me to my next point.  As far as I know, Christians are never
instructed in Scripture (if such a passage of Scripture does exist, by all means
enlighten me as to where it is) to arm themselves with secular power and force
our moral perspectives on everyone else by laws and by the deprivation of civil
rights guaranteed by authorities that do not explicitly appeal to the Bible (the
Constitution).  You guys are seemingly on a mission to "take America back for
the Christians," to turn back the tide of secularization.  But converting people to
Christianity and forcing people to conform to Christian moral norms by exerting
power in the public sphere are not the same thing unless your ideal "Christian
society" is what was going on in Medieval Europe.

[And if you want to go back to Medieval Europe, give everything you own to your
local Catholic priest, have 10 more kids, kill one a year (to account for infant
mortality and disease), and grovel in front of your local mayor (appointed by your
local bishop) for a muddy patch of land with with a sterile heifer, a few trees
and a handful of rotten turnips.  Remember, you're halfway there, 'cause you can't
fucking read or think on the first place.]

I freely admit that some sins are also crimes -- murder, for instance.  But the
legal standard at work to separate the two has to do with the state's
responsibility to protect its citizens from harm.  Teenagers lying to their parents
about why they were out until 3 in the morning might be a sin, but it is not
a crime.  Perjury or fraud are definitely sins and are also crimes.  Saying that all
sins are socially harmful is not something that non-Christians are going to take
seriously.  Why would they?  They aren't Christian evangelicals!  Lots of sins are
legal, and they should be.  How else can Christians fulfill Paul's command for
the church to be a meaningful alternative to "the world"?  ["The world", as I see
it, which allows corporations free reign to poison your lives.  Ohhh, there are so
many ways true, devout Christians can share their beautiful belief system in this
society,under this structure of government, that are true, honest and good.  Can
you spell poverty?  And - how many times in the Bible are poverty and iniquity
mentioned? Try to fit Enron or Halliburton (or better yet, Ken Lay or Dick Cheney)
through the eye of a needle.]

Therefore, in order for you to legitimately criminalize homosexuality (which is
apparently the goal behind efforts to support discrimination on the basis of
sexual orientation as well as the long-term objective of your leaders [as
evidenced by your reaction to the Supreme Court ruling re: Lawrence v. Texas]),
you have to show not only that it is a sin (a debatable point, although you refuse to
admit it) but that it actually harms society.  I hear it repeated over and over again
that gay marriage presents some sort of threat to heterosexual marriage, but I have
never once heard anyone articulate precisely what this threat is.  I challenge you
to explain to the rest of us why denying gays and lesbians their right to civil
marriage harms the institution of sacred marriage.  And, just so you know,
repeating the same platitudes and citing Leviticus 18 and 20 and Romans 1
does not constitute an explanation.  So get on the phone to James Dobson or
the Southern Baptist Convention and tell them that they have some 'splainin to do.

You are free in our culture to tell gays and lesbians that they cannot be part of
your churches.  You have that right.  The efforts of gays and lesbians to protect
themselves against hate crimes and legal discrimination, and to secure the same
rights as couples that heterosexual couples have, in no way infringes on your
right to object to their sexual behaviors or to ban them from your churches.
[Likewise we do not have the right to torch your fucking bigoted houses of
worship and sodomize or lynch, to our hearts' content, your membership and
leaders.]  But when you flex your political muscles to keep gays and lesbians in
their ghettos and closets by denying them their equal rights as citizens, you
unfortunately come across not as concerned about the decline of morality
(which is much more clear in the abject commercialism of our culture, not to
mention the disgusting subversion of our political system by those who profess
Christ, than in the acceptance of gays and lesbians) but as bigots.  [Bigots
deserving to be sodomized or lynched and have their places of worship, and
residence, torched to the fucking ground.  Unfortunately, this is not permissible
in the Constitution.  Funny, though, that you have a long, fruitful history of enacting
this exact type of malicious behavior against others in American culture.  See:
Native Americans, Africans and any other type of racial minority and women.
However, while you are in the minority on this issue, you are protected, and those
of us fighting for legal, Constitutional equality should never resort to your wicked,
disgusting, immoral anti-Christian ways.  But we'd like to at times, sure!]

And this label is fair, because bigotry -- fear! -- is your real motive.  If you were
really interested in "saving" gays from the "vice" of homosexuality [with means
other than your offensive and unfounded gay-recovery seminars, videos, and
lectures] you would be trying to convince them and showing real love and concern
for their welfare as human beings instead of shouting in righteous anger about
how evil they are through your political spokespersons [all the while disregarding
the leading scientific evidence that homosexuality is not a choice].

So please, follow the instruction of Paul that I mention in the letter below.  Get
your noses out of other people's business.  Nobody is asking you to approve of
homosexuality, just to afford others the rights that you so loudly insist upon for
yourselves.  Have you forgotten that a threat to the civil rights of any group in
this country is a threat to the civil rights of all of us?  [which you don't believe]
Or, like the white slaveowners of the south [who had their good points, you argue],
will you continue the American tradition of gaining rights for yourselves by taking
them from others?  [I argue that this is not possible in a capitalist system, and
fighting poverty, while a more noble, true and pressing Christian problem, is a
battle for another day.  And, I've gotta get my hair done.]  Jesus says in John's Gospel
that outsiders will "know you are Christians by your love."  You have failed.

Gays and lesbians know you are Christians by your hate.

[Whatsoever you do to the least of my people, that you do unto me. Tell me, Rev. Dr.
Johnny, where have I heard that before?]

So get off your damned soapboxes and [in the spare time you have left over from
feeding the hungry, giving drink to the thirsty, etc...] start rethinking what it means to
be a Christian in our society.  And tone down the rhetoric, for goodness' sake.

But in the meantime here's something you can do: find those Scriptures that
instruct Christians to tell everyone else what to do and how to live their lives,
and explain clearly how gay marriage harms straight marriage in general and
Christian marriage in particular.  I'm serious, I want to know.

Your brother [I'm the sister],

Johnny F. M. C.