No homosexual agenda here, just another million man effort

Donald E. Wildmon

James Dobson

Pat Robertson

and the others. You know them.

And I'm tired of hearing their filth. But I'm not going to condemn them to hell for living their hate-filled lives. I'm not going to try to silence them. They have their rights to free spewage and to practice whichever witch-hunt brand of sociopathic pseudochristianity they choose.

I've read the good book and know they're wrong. The Beatitudes are the secret of life. Turn the other cheek. All that real-Christian stuff.

But, I'm only another no-name so-called "expert" getting my lazy ass out of the La-Z-Boy to disagree.

We know they're fucking crazy and that they don't know how to read. And I can't imagine what their kingdom of heaven must be. I don't think there are cinder blocks large enough for that front yard...

We know they're trying to mandate and legislate that the rest of the red-state nation should live as we blue-state, hippie, Commie, pinko faggots actually do: as decent, respectful, upstanding, tax-paying, contributing citizens. We know that, generally, we pay the bulk of the taxes, have the lowest divorce and abortion rates, have the highest education and IQ rates, and require the least in return of government services.

And we generally don't live in trailers, have better gardens and support artsy things.

As such, I'm calling for a National Day of Homosexual Masturbation to Eradickate the Evils of the Religious Right. Saturday, June 25, 2005, spend an hour or so with your close buds breaking a sweat to raise funds to stand up and disagree. I'm working to set up a website where eager participants can purchase glossy photos of our spiritual and moral leaders: Jeff Gannon/James Guckert, Pat Robertson, Donald Wildmon, James Dobson and others. I'm sure the Gannon photos will be the hottest sellers, as we won't need to do any Photoshop. But the salvation prizes will be better on the other photos; especially the fucking backwoods, butt-ugly inbred-looking Wildmon. Giving him a facial that day will all but lead to rapture. Nonetheless, crosshairs and scorecards will be provided for each picture.

Shoot Some Ropes for Salvation
Saturday, June 25
7pm local time

What better way to wrap up Gay Pride Month and kick off the parade celebrations for the following day?